The Purity Complex
October 05, 2007 10:44:00
by Emily
Web Correspondent
Planned Parenthood Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota Action Fund
In Hollywood, nothing sells like a pregnancy rumor. The most recent scandal of "is-she-or- isn't-she?" was directed at 14-year old Miley Cyrus, better known as Hannah Montana. In a TV interview, Cyrus refutes the rumors by saying she's completely opposed to sex before marriage.
"I'm living my life the way I believe is right and that is to stay pure."
Many parents probably breathed a sigh of relief that a 14-year-old tween star was not pregnant but let's examine Cyrus' answer closely. Young women are expected to pledge their purity these days; and not just until their teen years are over-or until they found a partner who makes them happy-but for marriage. No minor task considering the average age for women to marry is 25 (via Newsweek magazine)
The ‘purity' issue has become an entire movement. Most commonly discussed is the purity-ball event. Where father's dress in tuxedos and bring their daughters (in ball gowns) to a dance. Many times the father feeds his daughter wedding cake and slips a ring on her finger. A vow is often read, like this one:
I, (daughter's name)'s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and my family as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by god to influence generations to come."
This type of vow is troubling for several reasons. Women appear to be mere property passing from father to husband. A woman's "value" is completely determined by her purity.
As if a woman isn't a human at all but an object that can be "used" or "new." In Ariel Levy's book, Female Chauvinist Pigs, Levy witnessed a speaker from the Abstinence Clearinghouse. The speaker compared sex with a sticky piece of duct tape placed on a student's arm:
"The first time it sticks very well. Then, we break up. As we break up, the tape is ripped off his arm along with several arm hairs. When I find my next boyfriend and sexual partner, I can stick the duct tape to his arm, but it won't stick as tightly as the first time. The tape sticks less and less with each sexual escapade and eventually will not stick at all…. The deep bonding and "emotional expression" that only sexual intimacy creates must be limited to marriage."
Our culture is obsessed with virginity. Or more pointedly, WOMEN'S virginity. Unlike Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson, name me ONE male pop star who pledged to wait for his wedding night? - ‘nough said.
These days, young girls are told, "You can grow up to do anything you want," EXCEPT when it comes to sex. We talk about girl power, but we still want adolescent girls to pledge, "you control my purity, Mr. High Priest… er ... dad."
It's a twisted message. Why try and promise girls equality and choices but then limit access to life-saving HPV vaccine. We also limit access to important contraceptive options, like the morning after pill. We say women can be anything they want to be-unless they get pregnant, because lord-forbid they should seek an abortion! No, honey, put those dreams aside, you have a baby now!
Miley Cyrus has to defend her ‘purity' when she should really be defending her privacy. While the idea of 14-year-olds having sex isn't desirable, women should answer to no one, least of all the media circus.
Trixie films, makers of "I was a Teenage Feminist," are in the midst of a documentary called "THE AMERICAN VIRGIN" where they look at some of these conflicting messages.
The purity ball has a tiny glimmer of something admirable. A father telling his daughter, "I love and value you" is something to be celebrated, but only when the ‘value' isn't wrapped up in virginity-obsession. Marriage is not the magic band-aid that makes sex safe, enjoyable or even healthy and to tell youth otherwise is setting them up for a world of hurt.
On a side note, the purity message is much too dangerous when we know nearly half of all sexual assault victims are under 18. How do those children feel about their purity?
Aren’t there studies showing girls (and boys for that matter, no double standard here) who wait to have sex have happier, more stable marriages? No possiblility of even needing an abortion, right? no sex. no pregnancy. NO possiblility of STDs right? can’t get it from a toilet seat. I’m confused, which of the above is a problem?
By jason on 16/06/2008
I remember a great discussion in a college education class where the supreme virtue of delayed gratification was espoused in order to achieve a greater goal- education and the freedom of enlightened thought (as opposed to a paycheck.) It seems that physical, spiritual, and emotional lifelong intimacy would be an enlightened goal worthy of delayed sexual gratification. I assume PP would encourage college over a fast food restaurant job so obviously a marriage of deep uncluttered intimacy would be a greater goal than an orgasm, for boys and girls.
By leslie on 02/11/2008
